The snake fight portion of your thesis defence

I defend in two weeks, but I'll be prepared thanks to McSweeney's guide:

Are the snakes big?
We have lots of different snakes. The quality of your work determines which snake you will fight. The better your thesis is, the smaller the snake will be.
Why do I have to do this?
Snake fighting is one of the great traditions of higher education. It may seem somewhat antiquated and silly, like the robes we wear at graduation, but fighting a snake is an important part of the history and culture of every reputable university.